Although there seems to be some confusion about the origin and meaning of my name, and aside from the fact that my parents didn't expect to have to name a girl and scrambled to find a name they liked, I suppose it fits me well. One meaning is 'seeker of truth'... and I like to ask questions. This tends to leave me a bit frustrated at times, especially when the answers don't come easily.
I have been thinking about the Bible some. And I'm thankful we don't live in the dark ages, because I'd be afraid to say anything and be burned at the stake as a heretic or something. But here is my confession: the Bible is a source of frustration to me at this point in my life.
One source of frustration comes from the fact that I don't know Hebrew or Greek. I will read a passage in one translation, look it up in another, and get two completely different spins on the verses. One translation can be worded with grace, another can feel like an accusing finger is being pointed in your face. (Take Hebrews 5:14 for example, the
NIV and the original Living translations.*) As a mother of three young children, I don't have the hours to devote to
in depth research. (I do, however,
have make time to whack away at this keyboard.)
Another source of my Biblical frustration is the fact that I am not all too familiar with the Jewish culture of the time. Our interpretation of scripture as we look through a Western lens can differ greatly from the original meaning. When I am reading, and realize that I don't have all the information needed to understand something
properly, it makes me grumpy. I felt the same way reading James Joyce. Although
A Portrait of the Artist As a Young Man was one of my favorite reads, I felt like I was missing out on a lot. I started to read
Ulysses, but gave up.
I also get frustrated with politics. I listen to all the mud-slinging and empty promises. (The president does not have the power to instantly make all these promises come to fruition... why can't they admit that, and why does the public believe he can?) I listen to every one's reasons about why they are voting for whom. Then I find myself stuck in the middle, frustrated with the ignorance shown on both sides. My only solace is knowing that I will get a good laugh watching SNL during election years.
As I've been stewing a bit about all of this complicated mess, and certain answers aren't coming easily, I have been reminded that it doesn't matter all that much. Relationships matter more than answers to all those questions I have.
It strikes me as a sad joke that many people try have a 'relationship' with God based only on reading the Bible or pursuing religion. How could I get to know my husband through his letters (what letters? ha.), a list of his likes and dislikes, or just based on the things others say about him?
When I was younger, I would sneak out of the house during thunderstorms and run around in the rain, watching the lightning in the sky, enjoying the feel of the cold rain on my skin. Other times I would climb our sycamore tree to its top, rocking with the swaying branches in the wind. I remember watching a hawk take flight from nearby and float up on the air currents. I was communing with God, spirit to spirit.
Times like those are fewer these day. My communion with God comes mostly in the pauses of busyness or the quiet of mindless tasks. And once in a while, during those moments, he'll answer a question or two.
*Come to find out, the Living translation of the Bible that I looked the verse up in is no longer in use. I could not find any translations online that were worded like the one I made reference to. Now, there is the New Living translation. I guess they decided the old one wasn't any good.
This is as far as they got before I forced them inside for a bath and lunch:
