Sometimes it better to lie down first...

... before you fall asleep. Click here to find out why.
(I wish the lighting was better.)

Happy 3rd Birthday, Joe!

Today, Joe turned three. We celebrated last night with cake, ice cream, and presents. We kept it small this year, since we've been having such a busy month, and at three years of age, Joe didn't really notice that he wasn't having the biggest party ever. His enthusiasm for his cake and presents was unparalleled. 'LOOK! My cake, it's a tractor!!!'

The other day, we sat down to lunch, Joe sitting around the corner of the table next to me. He gently laid his hand on my arm, and just looked at me with the biggest, squinty-eyed smile he could muster... like he had just told me the funniest joke ever. I couldn't help it. His joy washed over the place, and we just laughed. For no reason. What a great kid.

At Last...

Last Saturday, I prepared to move Chet and Waylon to the big tank. After allowing them to adjust to the new water for a while by slowly adding new water to the bucket they were hanging out in, I tossed them into their new environment. Waylon looked good. Chet... not so much.

I decided to put Chet back into the 'hospital' tank for another round of treatment and let him recover from his illness for a few more days.

Waylon spent the rest of the day against the far wall of the new tank. He didn't seem as if he was under stress, just uncertain. When Chris got home that evening, I had him unplug the bubble wall we had along the back wall of the tank. Immediately, Waylon started to swim around. I guess there was just too much going on, and all that bubble chaos freaked him out. It has been so nice to see Waylon glide around in the tank, not having to stop short at close walls, or just rest with his fins floating gloriously.

Today, I put Chet back in the big tank. He has recovered nicely. There is still some fog remaining in his eyes, but I am hoping the clean, new, bigger environment will wash away the rest of his stress and eventually he'll be back to 100%.

Now that Chet and Waylon are reunited, they are keeping close: catching up, I suppose. There is a third fish in the big tank... a little feeder we bought to test the water the day before I moved Waylon over. Finley has named him 'Jim'. I feel a little sorry for the guy. Waylon chased him around the first few days, and Jim would hide behind the aeration tubes. Waylon isn't pestering him as much, now and Jim is gaining some confidence, swimming out to the middle once in a while. We'll see how it goes.

Oh, and isn't the stand fantastic? Chris and I designed it together, and Louie (Chris' stepfather) built it for us. We had thought about putting some plant life in the tank, but I'm a little worried that the fish will just tear it up. I'm not so fond of the castle. (It was Chris's from a past setup.) I have my eye on a Chinese dragon statue I saw at the pet shop, but I haven't been able to justify the expense yet.

Revelation and Relationship

I see life these days through the eyes of a parent. It is the lens through which I interpret nearly everything. I think that it's a good thing, as it causes me to always add others into the interpretation, and not see life just in terms of my self.

As my kids grow (and I think I've mentioned this before), I find myself all too aware of the difference between actions based on rules and actions based on relationship. There is such a huge difference when the kids share toys because they have to, and the sharing that comes when they are enjoying each other and playing together.

A friend of mine had a vision. In it, she was touched by God, and on his fingers was written in wet ink the word 'worth'. She noticed that the word was transferred to her own hand, and she realized that she would give value to whomever she touched. She said it changed her... that she was more affectionate toward others, filled with the desire that they would know their worth.

How beautiful! When I read that, the thought ran through my mind, 'I need to be more affectionate.' Then I realized that unless my actions weren't based out of a change of my own heart, then I would have turned her revelation into a rule. And most can see that actions out of obligation are empty of love.

Isn't that really the greatest motivator and changer, love? I keep thinking about how empty life is without real relationship: relationship in which there is honesty and depth, the kind of relationship in which you feel truly known, the kind in which one is willing to cause some pain in order to bring to a greater healing.

It leaves me with a greater desire for revelation. It leaves me with a desire for deeper relationship with the Source, so that the place in me from which flows love can hold more...

I have long had this poem by Rilke on the wall above my desk:

I believe in all that has never been spoken.
I want to free what waits within me
so that what no one has dared to wish for

may for once spring clear
without my contriving.

If this is arrogant, God, forgive me,
but this is what I need to say.
May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing You as no one ever has,

streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.

Another Day in the 'Dirt'

This morning, after an especially long soak in the shower while I thought too hard about things that probably don't matter, I was ready for therapy.

Thankfully, Zivah is taking a regular morning nap, so as soon as she drifted into dreamland, Joe, Fin, and I headed out. My goal was to plant a row of potatoes in a new section of the veggie plot. The Bermuda grass was starting to makes it way back up through the soil from the chunks of root that got left behind, and the planting would help rid the plot of some the weeds.

Speaking of soil, it gave me one of those inward smiles when I heard my children talking about the worms in the 'soil' as opposed to worms in the 'dirt'. There is a difference, which I won't get into, but there are some that cringe inwardly at the mention of plants in 'dirt'. (I suppose it is similar cringe that some of us experienced at Bush's pronunciation of the word 'nuclear'.)

And speaking of worms, the kids found a doozey. It must have been 8-10" long stretched out and was FAT.

I had to use the kids' wagon to collect the grass clumps as the wheelbarrow is hopelessly buried in the garage.



Finley is a bit unwell today, but I would rather have her in the sun than cooped inside in front of the TV.



There are a lot more weeds that are vying for attention, but unfortunately, laundry seems to take precedence.