My Bovine Fascination

I don't remember when it was that the fascination really sank in. Perhaps it happened when we went to visit my brother who had been helping a friend on his ranch. He took us out to see the ranch, and called in some of the cows. There was just something about those big, docile, lumbering, sad-eyed beasts...


In high school, I started drawing and painting cows. My mother painted cows. They were a natural subject for her, being from the great ranching state of Montana. I guess I was just following in her footsteps, but something about the creatures lodged in my soul.


Out of high-school, I lived in rural Texas for a few months. For a few weeks, there were some nearby cows that kept bellowing non-stop. It was an eerie, desperate sound. I fancied it was because the calves had been taken from the mothers, and the cows were grieving the loss of their babies, but I don't know, really.



One time, I was riding a mountain bike down some Texas back roads, and a herd of cattle took off running through the field along side of me. I remember it felt like slow motion, like some crazy spiritual experience.


Later, when I discovered my dad's 35mm camera and started taking photos, I frequented the nearly deserted stock yards where sometimes I would find a pen or two of cattle. This allowed me some up close photos. I took me a while to realize that these cattle were probably waiting to be taken to a meat packing plant. I found it slightly harder to eat meat.


I began drawing a 'cow' named Evan. I put him in various situations, most of them slightly morbid. One day at work, I sketched my 'cow', labeling the different parts and titling the sketch 'Anatomy of a Cow'. Someone asked me where the udders were. I retitled it 'Anatomy of an Udderless Cow'. Silly me. Only a city girl would draw a cow without udders and give it a boy's name.


After I moved to Tennessee, I began questioning why, in the Old Testament, God would require the sacrifices of animal for the forgiveness of sins. It seemed so brutal. I got to the point where I was incredibly disturbed by the idea, and I fostered the notion the Jesus didn't die only for us, but for animals as well. I saw Christ as the salvation for cattle, inspiring this ridiculous piece of 'art'. Of course, it wasn't until later that I remembered that only bulls were sacrificed. Silly me.

I went through a period of questioning why it is that we eat meat, but I have come to the relative understanding that meat is part of God's provision for us. Don't let me get into how we've abused that provision, though. The videos of typical meat industry practices would give anyone pause next time they visit the grocery store (you'd think).

Although I only sketch cows for my kids these days, I can't say that I have lost all of my fascination of them. Someday, I hope to have a couple dairy cows. However, I'm not sure how I'll deal with potentially giving their calves over to the butcher.