The Voice of Reason

Yesterday, I was struggling to find a minute to head downstairs for a little quality computer time. I needed desperately to balance the checkbook, and maybe check e-mail. Even with my mother around as a diversion for Finley and Joe, it seemed to be an impossible task. I finished balancing the checkbook with Zivah in one arm, typing and writing with the other.


By the time lunch was over, I wanted to come down and read some blogs and maybe even post something of my own. But the voice of reason said I needed a nap. I slept for an hour and a half. I may have to become a night-time blogger.


Earlier last week, my mom and I were discussing Finley. She is a little over-dramatic. She pouts one second, and is happy the next. She can be very stubborn, and in those instances, most of the usual parenting tricks (like bribery) don't work well with her. According to my mom, she exudes typical firstborn traits. (Maybe I need to read that birth order book.) I have a hard time 'getting' her sometimes. I told my mom that it was my fault: When I found out Finley was a girl, I prayed that she would be strong and independent, not letting others quash her dreams and determinations. I guess God answered that prayer, since that is what she seems to be... a little girl with a fairly strong personality and with her own ideas about the way life should be.


So my mom asked me what I prayed Zivah would be like. My answer: a laid-back, easy-going child. We both had a good laugh.

Z's First Week at Home

Things are going well here...

The first few days after my milk came in were a little stressful. I had plenty of milk for Zivah to drink, but she started sleeping... a lot. I would get to the point of feeling very... uncomfortably... full... If she had been asleep for four hours (most newborns have a sleep/eat cycle of 3 hours or less), I would try to wake her up to feed her. Usually, no amount of poking, prodding, or diaper-changing could really rouse her enough for her to nurse. I would give up, and a few hours later, Zivah would finally wake up. She would obviously be hungry, but she would also be struggling with gas bubbles and the other stuff htat comes out of that end. After an hour of crying and tooting and snorting (in her distress, her nasal passage would restrict and she would have a hard time breathing while she nursed and would snort and cry in frustration. She would finally calm down enough to get a decent amount of milk in her... But then the cycle would start all over again.

After two days of this, I had an epiphany. I was on percoset for pain. Percoset makes me sleepy. I looked online, and most websites would claim that it was not known whether percoset was secreted in the breastmilk or not. I finally found one that admitted it was, and said in rare occasions caused sleepiness in infants. Apparently it was causing sleepiness in mine. I quit the percoset.

A day later, Zivah was more wakeful and nursing every four hours. I was greatly relieved. (In more ways than one.) Now, she wavers between a three and four hour period. I would prefer the four hours at night.

We took her to the orthopaedic doctor on Friday to get her hip checked out. He said the left hip, the one that freely moved in and out of socket, had tightened up and he could no longer get it out of socket. The right hip that he felt some movement in originally, still had a bit of movement. We go back in two weeks, and she will probably only have to wear the harness for only six more weeks. I am completely amazed.

Finley is being less 'into' the Li'l Z than I thought she would be. She does want to hold her once in a while, likes to pick out the diaper when I change her, and once wanted to feed her a goldfish cracker, but other than that, it carrying on with her normal routines.

Joe like to kiss Zivah, run around the house, then come back to kiss her again. He gets concerned when she cries, but like Finley, is carrying on as if there have been no major changes.

We gave Zivah her first bath today, as we are finally allowed to take the harness off and see her little toes for a little bit every day if necessary.

I am thankful.

Zivah is crying. Duty calls.

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

By Wendell Berry

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millennium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion – put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn’t go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

Got Milk?

Snippets of the New Life

Today at 5:30 am. Z is screaming, trying to figure out pooping, tooting, burping, and hunger all at the same time. Finley wakes up and calls up the stairs, "What's wrong with my baby sister?"

Joe is being his normal self. He runs galloping laps around the upstairs, pauses to glance in the crib, then leans over me while I try to nap on the bed with a big smile announcing, 'titter baby peeping!'

Zivah Pics

Sleeping... (aw. isn't she sweet?)

Woah!

Already taking after daddy...

Getting ready for a fight. (in her harness.)

Lil Z: A Quick Birth Story

After checking into the hopsital Wednesday, we got off to a rocky start: I was stuck twice before the third attempt at putting in an IV finally succeeded. Thakfully, my OB and the OR crew had it together a bit more, and a quick and painless c-section brought Lil Z into the world at 7:36 am.

She was 7 lbs, 10 oz, and 19 inches long.

She was breech and would have been delivered by c-section anyway, so I am very thankful that it all worked out so well, and that I didn't have to endure an emergency c-section. I hear those aren't quite as fun.

We finally decided to name her Zivah Rain Knight. I know. But we like it.
(Zivah is pronounced zee'-vah and means 'radiant' or 'splendor.')

Come to find out, as Zivah was breech and shoved into the little space of my abdomen, she developed hip dysplasia, and is going to have to wear a harness to help fix the problem. I'm praying the harness works and the dysplasia isn't severe enough to require surgery later...

Recovery has been a breeze so far compared to my first two births. I was doing so well, that all the nurses would comment that I wasn't acting like I had a section, and my OB let me out of the hospital a day early. Although I will miss the long stretches of peace and quiet, I was getting a little bored.

I came home to find that the rest of my children grew several inches and gained a lot of weight.

So we are home, and are doing well.

I was going to post some pictures, but apparently Blogger is having issues, so you'll have to wait.
Sorry.

Quick Update Before the Big Day

Tomorrow by this time, we will have a new little baby to hold in our arms instead of in my belly.

My folks flew in yesterday. (Which was also Finley's 4th birthday. Separate post on that [much] later when I get pics.)

When Chris got home from work, Finley ran upstairs yelling, "Daddy's home! Daddy's home! Grampa, his name is Chris!!!"

Last night, after the kids were tucked in bed, Finley and Joe kept yelling for some one. I thought it was for me. When I went in, I found out they wanted Gramma... not me. I'm glad she is so popular. That should make things a little easier (for me) for the next few weeks.

On another note, I discovered more things to not look forward to at the hospital. The first came when I was hinting to my friend Lori that I was looking forward to some yummy food from Kalamata's later in the day after the section. She informed me that I would not be allowed to eat that day at all. I wondered what else I didn't know about, so I spent a good part of an afternoon doing a little research on the internet about c-sections. I had to hit several 'informative' sites before I found out more of the gory details...

So I guess it won't be quite the walk in the park that I had envisioned, but at least I'm more prepared. And as my OB said last week... at least I'll be able to sit down after this one.

Six Full Days

Six full days left. Then we get to check in to the hospital at 5:30 am next Wednesday morning.

Do I look huge? I remember looking at a friend that deliviered a couple months ago just before she was due, thinking, 'Good grief. I hope I don't get that big!' Now I'm not sure I haven't. I'm getting all those comments when I go out in public. My favorite thus far: 'You look like a spider! Huge belly, little arms and legs...' Much better than the, 'You look like you are about to explode!'

Side Note: Spider comment was given to me by the founder/owner of Piper Sandals, my new favorite footwear. I had to retire my legendary Birk knock-offs that I bought in '93.

Anyway. I am getting excited.

Here are some things I am looking forward to:

1. The hospital stay. I love my children, but a few days away from the whining and intermittent conflict will be nice. (Say a prayer for my mom.)

2. Oxytocin. Makes for a relaxed mama.

3. Baby's foot removed from my ribs, and all those sharp, shooting pains in my muscles and ligaments relieved.

4. Being able to walk after this delivery without feeling like my nether regions are going to fall apart.

5. Oh yeah, meeting the new, as-yet-unnamed baby.

Things I am not looking forward to:

1. Hospital food.

2. Hospital coffee.

Finishing Touches

My brother came over yesterday and help install the railings that he so graciously built for us. (Looks fantastic, doesn't it?)

Chris also managed to get one set of sliding doors up on one of the closets. We still need to find/buy two more doors for the other closet.

I am still a little amazed how nicely this project has turned out...

Mama Dove

I don't know how long ago they hatched, but her two babies are getting big... (One sits in front of her, and you can see the top of the other's head behind her.) I'm glad mine don't grow quite that quickly.

On Holiday

Friday was Independence Day, and for a change of pace, we took a drive out into the country to our friend's property an hour and a half southwest of Nashville. As you drive down Highway 100, you have to know where you are going, or you will entirely miss the turn-off.

As we turned off onto the chert road, Finley thought we were going to the zoo. Then she asked where the parking lot was. I nearly slapped my forehead in dismay.

After a lunch at the house that is nestled back on the side of a hill among the trees, we peeked at the rotting, three-foot rattlesnake that Mrs. King had killed the other day. Then we took a walk down the drive, disturbing clumps of butterflies that fluttered up around us. When John arrived, Chris cut off the rattler's tail with a pair of loppers, then we headed down to the creek.

The creek bed is made up mainly of small chunks of rock, most of them range in color from beige to reddish-brown and are rounded off by years of running water. The water runs clear and is cool, in spite of mid-summer heat. The creek was 30-40 feet wide at this point, half of that a slow-moving shallow area. John put a water melon in the water along the creek bank to chill, and we carried our aluminum lawn chairs to a shady spot where the water was ankle-deep.

The kids played in the water up to their thighs, picking up, examining, and even licking the rocks before throwing them back into the water. (It is a small miracle that no one was hit by any of these carelessly flung projectiles.) Chris and John skipped rocks and aimed at a log sticking up out of the water. Mrs. King and I just sat with our feet in the water, holding rocks and periwinkle shells for the kids, attempting to identify the sweet smell that would sometimes drift down to us on the breeze, and looking at the life in the water. It was the perfect way for me and my nine-month belly to spend a relaxing afternoon.

I wondered why Mrs. King called the little snails 'periwinkles' until I kept catching glimpses of a brilliant light-blue shining among the rocks in the creek. Upon further inspection, I realized it was the reflection of the sky on the pale interior of the otherwise black shells. We also saw crawdads, minnows, tiny leeches, and other critters.

I don't recall hearing one firework exploding or even a car engine passing by on a nearby road.
After several hours and a belly-full of watermelon, it became clear that Joe was really beginning to feel the effects of his missed nap and that we should hit the road. We returned to Nashville, to the chaos of fireworks and cranky children.

Just as the distant booms from the downtown fireworks show started, I crawled into bed and drifted off to sleep.

My Sweet Children

This morning, Joe woke up early with a cough and some respiratory trouble. We brought him upstairs to sit in bed with me... As he sat in my lap, we had this conversation:

J- (looking at the crib set up next to my bed) Whar baby pillow?

Me- The baby doesn't need a pillow.

J- Whar my my pillow?

Me- It's on your bed.

J- Whar baby name?

Me- I don't know yet.

J- Whar baby changing pad?

Me- (pointing at changing table) Over there.

Joe then proceeds to lay his head down on my shoulder...

Both of the kids seem to really get that I have a baby in my belly. Both of them will randomly come over to me and kiss and hug on the baby. When Chris leaves for work in the morning, Finley got into the habit of insisting that he say goodbye to the baby as well. Joe has taken to telling people that there is a baby in mama's belly.

I'm praying that the sweetness will continue after she comes out...

Disclaimer

By the way... a lot of these posts are me thinking 'outloud.' I usually end up with more questions after I'm done writing than when I started.

Going Deeper

As a side track, I have been re-evaluating some of the things I was taught in the church growing up.

One of the primary things lately has been the story of creation and how that affects our view of things. When I was taught that God made the world in a literal seven days, I believed it. When science points to the age of the earth as being more than 6,000 years old (evidence of geological layers, just to name one example), it was explained away with the statement that God created the earth with age. How ridiculous. Does that line up with the character of God? Is God a deceiver?

Anyway, that being said, it is fairly obvious to me that we, as western thinkers, miss out a lot on the true meaning of Scripture simply because we do not understand Jewish way of thinking. We had a teaching at church not long ago about 'the fall' of Adam and Eve. Thankfully, our pastor has the sense to try to see Scripture through the Jewish lens, and his teaching on Genesis 3 made a whole lot more sense to me than the standard 'Adam and Eve wanted to be like God.' Digging into the Hebrew, the concept is more that man has chosen what is good and bad (right and wrong) for himself rather than submitting to what God says is good and bad for us.

With this in mind, it explains to me why the earth is cursed because of us. The earth is cursed because we keep trying to decide what is right and wrong, what is good and bad... Nearly every time that man comes up with a better idea how to improve on creation, it wreaks a sort of destruction. Instead of paying attention to the way nature replenishes itself, man decides to grow one crop on the same strip of land over and over again. The soil is depleted, weeds spring up, the crop is more prone to pests and disease, and man resorts to the use of chemical to try to correct the problem. Instead of learning from nature, we try to outsmart it.

Throughout the Bible, God points to nature repeatedly to teach us about who He is. Romans 1:19-20 talks about how God reveals Himself to us through nature so that we are 'without excuse'. The further I get from the destructive influence of man, I see a beautiful creation that speaks volumes to me of the nature of God.

Going deeper still, the Bible teaches that all life is from God. In Psalm 104, God is still actively involved in creation. In verse 30, 'they are created' when He sends his Spirit, and the face of the earth is renewed. If God still cares for his creation, gives it life, and wants us to see Him through it, who are we to treat it so flippantly?

Which brings me to the end of the Bible. Another concept I was taught in church that I am re-evaluating... This whole thing about the earth being destroyed by fire... Granted, it says there will be a new heaven and a new earth, but the Bible also says that we are new creatures in Him... through redemption. I don't recall a literal burning of my body as He has been making me new. (Pardon the sarcasm.) Is it possible to redeem the earth?

All of this has caused me to see things in a new way, and has strengthened my desire to put some of my efforts toward a restoration of the earth, to look deeper into creation to see more clearly the face of God, and learn how he wants me to live.

And a side note...
I am learning to more greatly appreciate our different roles in life. It can sometimes be frustrating to see apathy in others where your own passion lies. It can feel condemning to hear another's convictions where you yourself have not felt convicted. The good news is that there is grace and that we are meant to follow different paths. I have a friend who is pursuing a sales based business that I would rather be dunked in a vat of boiling oil than be involved in. Many of you, I am sure, cringe at the idea of pulling weeds or shoveling manure. It's all good.