The Spiritual Realm

I'm trying to figure out where to begin. I want to touch on some spiritual reality, but it is hard to know where to begin. Growing up in church, we read in the Bible about demons, and it never occurred to me (or anyone in that church, apparently) that this stuff was really real. Somehow, we decided to declare it a part of the past and nothing that really existed anymore (including the active role of angels and the Holy Spirit).

When I was about 13, I had a 'dream,' although it was no more a dream than getting hit in the head with a pipe is. My mind woke up from sleep (though my body didn't) into a realization that something was directing its attention toward me. And you know how sometimes, you can get a vibe about how people feel about you? This 'something' hated me. It was a hatred I had never felt before and didn't realize could be so pure. I had the desperate notion that I needed to hide from this thing that was seeing me in the dark, seeing my soul, and hating me. I could see nothing, but I could feel the presence of this thing, and I could hear my breathing and my heartbeat. I thought that if I could just be quiet, it wouldn't be able to see me anymore, so I stopped breathing, and tried to quiet my heart. My heart beat slower, and slower, until I would lose control of it, and it would begin to race. I tried to slow it down to a stop again, but when I almost had it stopped, it raced again. I don't know how long it was until I completely woke up and the thing was gone. I just remember being incredibly thankful afterward that God simply loved me. Thinking about the experience later in life, I have the feeling it was something demonic trying to get me to kill myself. (What happens when your heart stops beating?)

Not long after I moved here, I attended a 'revival' meeting (or was it 'renewal'...) with a friend. It was at a Four-Square church, which for the most part I would have categorized as those crazy, pentecostal types. The pastor didn't let me down. He looked a little like Al Gore, who, for some reason, is what I think Satan incarnate would look like. During his message, he took a long piece of PVC pipe that was being used as a flag's rod, and beat a silk ficus tree with it to illustrate his point about trials conditioning us into a stronger persons. As he beat the tree, pieces of plastic kept breaking off and flying about the room until he was left with only a stub of pipe.

After his message, he wanted to pray for people that wanted to 'see in the spirit,' meaning angels and whatnot. This was a little hard for me, the former Baptist, to accept. One kid went up to get prayer, and the pastor, seemingly getting frustrated that the kid couldn't see the 'obvious' angel in the corner of the room, smacked him full on in the chest, and the kid dropped instantaneously to the floor.

I paced the back of the room, debating with God whether or not it was necessary for anyone to see angels. I would rather 'see' more obscure things, like what people's motivations and feelings were and have that whole discernment thing. That would be more useful. So, was this guy legit? Couldn't he be one of those demons masquerading as an angel of light? I decided to 'test the spirit' of the thing as it were and go up for prayer, and I remember as I walked up that I felt like I was going to up there to challenge Satan.

As soon as the guy laid hands on me, he started shaking, then began to prophesy over me. His firsts words were, 'Not only will you see in the spirit, but you will be able to see into people's hearts...' and went on to speak many of the desires of my heart. I had started weeping at the first sentence.

I felt a little foolish afterward. I have to admit, I still categorize that church as one of the 'crazy, pentecostal' types, but that doesn't make it any less legitimate. Just crazy.

A friend who just moved away is looking for a church that believes in the reality of a powerful, benevolent, and active God. Our neighbors keep inviting us to their church, and while attending a place a couple blocks from home would be so nice, the denial (or at the least, ignorance) of that sort of spiritual reality is all too obvious there. It's not always convenient or pleasant, but I guess I like to see things as they really are...